Life is tough. At least, that’s what we hear and feel. Especially around holidays, when families clash over their ideas of what’s ‘right,’ or when we as individuals want what we want and are not willing to be considerate of others.
The last few years have brought people to divide and conquer. Conquer who and what, though? I experienced people being rude, manipulative, and inconsiderate, amongst other derogatory words. And they have affected me. Sometimes, I’m not feeling “it.” It can be love, joy, or feeling good about oneself. As much as I practice being unconditionally loving, the truth is, being unconditionally loving starts with myself first. So, when I encounter these people, I exhibit strength by standing up for myself. I say something when it’s on my chest, in my throat, and raging in my mind. Being loving means, you treat yourself with love. It does not mean you need to let people hurt you. Sometimes, if I feel unsafe, I retreat instead of saying something.
Of course, it’s also good to know when it is *really* hurt and not just that someone didn’t give you what you wanted. Ego will step in and convince you to demand what is yours. But what is truly YOURS?
Here’s an incident that occurred to explain the difference.
Somebody wanted something I had, and rather than directly ask for it, this person thought about how to manipulate me to give her what she wanted. And I didn’t succumb to her manipulation, so she got angry and resentful. And when I called her on it, she said she was trying to be nice rather than be honest.
So her ego said she deserved something that she thought was rightfully hers to have, and her ego also convinced her that the only way to have it was by being manipulative.
Being loving comes naturally to us; we don’t have to “TRY” to love someone, especially when it’s authentic.
The same applies to being nice. If you have to force a smile to say hello to someone or find ways to be nice when you don’t want to, that’s inauthentic and all EGO. It doesn’t feel good, either.
So, what do you do when someone’s EGO speaks to you, and your EGO wants to fight back?
1. You breathe. Take five slow and deep breaths and let some energy go.
2. You ask yourself, is it worth it for me to say something?
3. If you know you have to say something, from where is the speaking coming? Is it your heart? Your mind?
When a stranger does something to offend you personally, i.e., they say something directly to you, they damage your personal belongings, do you say something or let the rage build and take it out on someone else?
If you say something, do you curse? Do you physically harm the other person? Do you threaten? There are ways to speak up for yourself without being violent.
Can you walk away from a stranger? Can you walk away from pettiness? Where do you draw the line regarding respecting yourself and letting negativity go?
When you know someone who violates your boundaries, you ask the same question; do you say something, or do you let the rage build and take it out on someone else? Or worse, not say anything until time has passed and then blow up when it becomes too big to handle?
There are ways to handle this respectfully for yourself.
5 TIPS on how to be Loving with Yourself
- Be compassionate with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings. Are you angry? Sad? Why do you feel this way? Acknowledge that your anger/sadness or other feeling is okay.
- Of what do your feelings remind you? Can you remember the first time you felt this same way? Was there ever an incident in your childhood where a similar incident occurred? Were you, as a child, able to speak up for yourself and say something? Acknowledge your inner child. Let your inner child know it is okay to feel hurt, confused, misled, or sad.
- Give yourself space. Go for a walk/exercise. Talk with a friend. Write a blog post. 😉
- Have a plan. Do you feel you need to say something? Would you feel better if you voiced your feelings? Stuffing things inside, acting like it never happened, telling yourself, “I should not be bothered by this,” or “I should be more compassionate,” or anything that starts with “I should” needs examining. Pretending your feelings don’t matter is probably something you learned early, and you deserved more then and now too. Let’s stop stuffing and hiding and feeling invisible.
- Remember you are HUMAN. As much as the spirit is all about love, our energy exists in a body of physical matter, and we live in a predominately physical world. You came to Earth to have a physical experience and to learn lessons. Sometimes these lessons are tough, and you wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t handle them.
Every day you wake up, you have a choice. Feel your feelings, and then move on. Look up to yourself. Who do you need yourself to be to set an example? How do you want the example to look? You’ve got yourself, and that’s enough. Step into your power of love now.
Written with love, Lisa Eve
(Image by ErikaWittlieb on Pixabay)