Life is tough. At least, that’s what we hear and feel. Especially around holidays, when families clash over their ideas of what’s ‘right,’ or when we as individuals want what we want and are not willing to be considerate of others.
The last few years have brought people to divide and conquer. Conquer who and what, though? I experienced people being rude, manipulative, and inconsiderate, amongst other derogatory words. And they have affected me. Sometimes, I’m not feeling “it.” It can be love, joy, or feeling good about oneself. As much as I practice being unconditionally loving, the truth is, being unconditionally loving starts with myself first. So, when I encounter these people, I exhibit strength by standing up for myself. I say something when it’s on my chest, in my throat, and raging in my mind. Being loving means, you treat yourself with love. It does not mean you need to let people hurt you. Sometimes, if I feel unsafe, I retreat instead of saying something.
Of course, it’s also good to know when it is *really* hurt and not just that someone didn’t give you what you wanted. Ego will step in and convince you to demand what is yours. But what is truly YOURS?
Here’s an incident that occurred to explain the difference.
Somebody wanted something I had, and rather than directly ask for it, this person thought about how to manipulate me to give her what she wanted. And I didn’t succumb to her manipulation, so she got angry and resentful. And when I called her on it, she said she was trying to be nice rather than be honest.
So her ego said she deserved something that she thought was rightfully hers to have, and her ego also convinced her that the only way to have it was by being manipulative.
Being loving comes naturally to us; we don’t have to “TRY” to love someone, especially when it’s authentic.
The same applies to being nice. If you have to force a smile to say hello to someone or find ways to be nice when you don’t want to, that’s inauthentic and all EGO. It doesn’t feel good, either.
So, what do you do when someone’s EGO speaks to you, and your EGO wants to fight back?
1. You breathe. Take five slow and deep breaths and let some energy go.
2. You ask yourself, is it worth it for me to say something?
3. If you know you have to say something, from where is the speaking coming? Is it your heart? Your mind?
When a stranger does something to offend you personally, i.e., they say something directly to you, they damage your personal belongings, do you say something or let the rage build and take it out on someone else?
If you say something, do you curse? Do you physically harm the other person? Do you threaten? There are ways to speak up for yourself without being violent.
Can you walk away from a stranger? Can you walk away from pettiness? Where do you draw the line regarding respecting yourself and letting negativity go?
When you know someone who violates your boundaries, you ask the same question; do you say something, or do you let the rage build and take it out on someone else? Or worse, not say anything until time has passed and then blow up when it becomes too big to handle?
There are ways to handle this respectfully for yourself.
5 TIPS on how to be Loving with Yourself
- Be compassionate with yourself. Acknowledge your feelings. Are you angry? Sad? Why do you feel this way? Acknowledge that your anger/sadness or other feeling is okay.
- Of what do your feelings remind you? Can you remember the first time you felt this same way? Was there ever an incident in your childhood where a similar incident occurred? Were you, as a child, able to speak up for yourself and say something? Acknowledge your inner child. Let your inner child know it is okay to feel hurt, confused, misled, or sad.
- Give yourself space. Go for a walk/exercise. Talk with a friend. Write a blog post. 😉
- Have a plan. Do you feel you need to say something? Would you feel better if you voiced your feelings? Stuffing things inside, acting like it never happened, telling yourself, “I should not be bothered by this,” or “I should be more compassionate,” or anything that starts with “I should” needs examining. Pretending your feelings don’t matter is probably something you learned early, and you deserved more then and now too. Let’s stop stuffing and hiding and feeling invisible.
- Remember you are HUMAN. As much as the spirit is all about love, our energy exists in a body of physical matter, and we live in a predominately physical world. You came to Earth to have a physical experience and to learn lessons. Sometimes these lessons are tough, and you wouldn’t be here if you couldn’t handle them.
Every day you wake up, you have a choice. Feel your feelings, and then move on. Look up to yourself. Who do you need yourself to be to set an example? How do you want the example to look? You’ve got yourself, and that’s enough. Step into your power of love now.
Written with love, Lisa Eve
(Image by ErikaWittlieb on Pixabay)
Today is a significant day for all Americans, AND everyone in the World. What I’m about to say about this might surprise you.
This morning when I prayed for peace and honored those we lost, I included everyone, including those who took their own lives to make a statement. Not just the men and women who chose to be heroes, I’m talking about the men who chose to be the pilots.
I sent love and peace to the men who had so much hurt and fear in their hearts that they planned their death for years. These men were human beings too, and even though they may have shown the World they wanted people to suffer, it was because they were suffering the most.
Who volunteers to die? Who says, “Choose me, I want to die and make others feel the pain of what I feel”? That’s a lot of pain to be carrying around. It’s those people who we need to love the most. To let them know they are not alone in this world and that they can choose otherwise.
Again, this is a mirror for many other situations happening in the world. For example, Suicide Bombers. What little boy or girl says that when they grow up they want to strap a bomb to their body to prove a point?
Most people want to either, not die or die a quick death. Fear plays a major role in either scenario. And how many times has fear kept you from living the life you want?
It really does come down to love. Loving yourself to know you deserve the best life has to offer, and loving others so they can experience the same.
For all the people who think that justice is served by hurting those who hurt us, think again. Yes, karma has its ways, and let the Divine handle that. When you take matters into your own hands, you are inviting hurt to come back to you, again.
So I sense that while there are many people reliving this day by grieving, there are also many who are very angry and maybe even plotting, or cursing those who hurt them. I ask that when you send peace and love to your loved ones, that you send peace and love to everyone, including yourself. Forgive yourself for any harmful and hurtful feelings or thoughts you’ve had towards yourself and others. Ask that our World learns how to love one another and be at peace with one another, NOW.
We all deserve to live, to be here and to enjoy our time while here. Let’s find ways to enjoy it together, to celebrate together and be a family filled with unconditional love and acceptance.
Blessings to you, your loved ones and to our unborn children about to enter this world.
“Is that a bruise on your leg? Does it hurt?” asked the Nail technician as I was receiving a pedicure. I responded, “No, it’s a vein. I’ve had it there all my life.”
I felt good about saying that.
I remember a time when having that vein-like bruise caused me shame. In fact, I was embarrassed to wear shorts and skirts until about 2011.
My legs have been a huge source of insecurity for me all my life. I’ve had spider and reticular veins in my legs for as long as I can remember. I’ve also had a cyst in one thigh since I was 15. And, in terms of muscle tone, I have to work the hardest on my legs to maintain their strength. I joined the track team in high school mostly because I wanted toned legs and sexy calves. (I liked to run too, but I mostly wanted strong, firm legs.)
Many times during my youth I wished for “perfect” legs. In terms of solutions, all they had during that time was a leg cream that was like a concealer. But it was never an even application and had to be reapplied every day. I also went to the doctor to have my cyst removed, but was told it would leave a scoop in my leg, like scooping out a ball of melon. Rather than risk more embarrassment, I chose to leave it. It’s benign anyway, so the only people I’ve had to explain this weird bump on my leg was with massage therapists or if I became intimate. And yes, that caused a lot of insecurity for me in the area of being intimate.
For some reason though, I never felt to get surgery, or laser treatments when there was a solution for unsightly leg veins. There were many times I’d pass by the offices that advertised that my legs could look beautiful, and still, as insecure as I was, I could never bring myself to make an appointment. I dreamed of a day when I would feel comfortable enough in my own body, just as it was, to show off my legs and be proud.
Thankfully, that day came when I moved to Maui and began strength training. I didn’t actually wear shorts until I felt my legs were “tight” enough to be exposed. What that meant for me was that there was little to no cellulite, and they felt firm. They didn’t need to be rock-solid, just smooth and toned. So, it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I began wearing shorts, skirts and felt sexy. (Crazy, right?) And, with this new found freedom, I also didn’t care about the veins in my legs. I didn’t care who saw what, if it made them uncomfortable or embarrassed for me. I was good. It was a miracle!
The true miracle though, was that day with the nail technician. Why? Because on that day, I was not in my prime “tight” shape. I trained for a while, and then I became very busy with work and I couldn’t do it all. I didn’t have the energy to train as hard, or as much, and my legs were the first to change. So even though my legs were not “perfect” by the media standards, I didn’t care. I rocked what my momma gave me (in some short shorts too) and knew and felt that I was STILL beautiful. Veins, cellulite, a little jiggle when I wiggled, I let it all hang out.
But why would I have to fear or be insecure about my body in the first place? In my last post titled “#Mirror“, I addressed how many people scorned Miley Cyrus’ performance at the MTV VMA’s. It’s not the first time the media has gone ballistic over what a woman has worn, or not worn in a performance. And sadly, much of our world seems to think that what the Media says, is the “truth.” But how many times does the media scorn a man and how he looks? It’s rare. So we have a bunch of copycats, and misguided young people (who become misguided adults) who don’t know how to think for themselves, or honor themselves and understand that they are beautiful, regardless of what they see in magazines or on the news. It’s sad.
Do you remember back in the day when full-figured women were the predominant images portrayed by painters? A woman just as she was, au-natural, was beautiful, and was considered art. I have learned over the years that men love a confident woman. Period. Rock those lumps, bumps, curves, and everything your momma gave you and trust me, there will be men, (and women) who will find you sexy. It’s not about what the Media finds sexy, it’s what you hold as the truth for yourself.
Additionally, I would like to say that eating healthy and exercising has contributed to me feeling good in my body. I now choose exercises that are in resonance with what my body needs on a whole, rather than choosing to exercise from a place of insecurity.
So as I am a work in progress, so is much of the World. After all, we are a reflection of one another. And isn’t it time we (all) felt good about ourselves? Just as we are? Appreciative of one another and knowing that we are good enough, worthy enough and attractive without having to alter ourselves using non-natural methods? I pray and dream of that day. Do you?
‘Til next time, thanks for reading, and yes, YOU are beautiful.
Here’s the truth about Life.
From the moment we are born, we are dying. Those who are actually told when they will die (from diseases, accidents, surgeries, etc.) have an opportunity to choose how they want to leave earth, whenever that is. They have the choice of how they want to live while they are here, and if they have anything they’d like to change, or people with whom they’d like to make amends with, they know how much time (approximately) they have to do so.
However, for the rest of us, WE are given that same opportunity, it just looks different. Because we haven’t been given a timeline, we have an opportunity in EVERY DAY of our lives to make amends and choose how we want to live.
Questions to ask yourself: If you were going to die tomorrow, would you change anything about your life? Would you reach out to someone you haven’t spoken with in a while? Is there anyone you would like to apologize to? Are you proud of how you have lived your life?
Since you really don’t know when your time is “up”, every day is another day for you to make a change, if you wanted to. When people say, “be grateful you have another day”, it’s true! Think about all the people who went to work in NYC on the morning of September 11, 2001. Even though I didn’t work in or near the World Trade Center, my life was affected by what happened. And imagine all those who woke up and went to work that day and never woke up again.
Our intuition serves as a guide even in that area. Some folks knew it was “their time”, and others made peace with it. And I bet there was a handful who really weren’t expecting to die that day.
So, the truth is that we’re ALL going to die one day. At this very moment, you are dying. When is that day? You don’t know, unless you are tuned into your intuition and you trust your guidance system.
The questions to ask yourself now are:
How do I want to live?
Am I happy with my life?
Do I have a ‘bucket list’, and if so, have I crossed anything off it yet?
If I am not happy with my life, what can I do to change it, even if it’s a small step?
(A step is a step, no matter its size, it’s still moving you forward.)
Is there anyone I wish I could speak with? Is there anyone I miss and with whom wish I could communicate?
(If any of these people have already passed, you CAN tell them you miss them. If you feel you need to make amends with someone who has passed, you CAN do so. Just call their name, internally in your mind or out loud, and share with them what you feel is in your heart. It’s never too late, they can still hear you.)
Are there any dreams I wish I would have pursued?
(It doesn’t matter your age, it’s never too late. I know a woman who, at 92 went back to school to get her college degree.)
Choose to live a life you’re proud of and think about how you want to be remembered. THIS is YOUR TIME, RIGHT NOW, and NOW, and NOW. Go! Live! Be Happy! You deserve to live a great life!
‘Til next time, thanks for reading & Happy Dreaming! 🙂
All it takes is one step at a time. In order to move forward on your path, that is. Sometimes I have difficulty doing that, especially when I feel like I haven’t made enough of an advancement to be proud of. On top of that, I’m completely aware I haven’t touched this blog in months and I often feel guilty that I’m not keeping up with it. It’s a big burden to bear and I’m the one who put it there! Ick! So, instead of beating myself up mentally, I’ve chosen to believe that my faithful readers will appreciate my posts, whenever it is that I do decide to post. 🙂
So with one foot in front of the other and another and another, I have managed to overcome great hurt and loss with people who I thought were my friends and are no longer, and 2 men whom I chose to be vulnerable with and they were unable to respond with mutual authenticity and respect. 2012 did not start off on a good note and even I was surprised! Yet, with all that going on, I was still working towards my goals and was definitely not going to let my dreams suffer! In one of my recent Tweets I said, “The only person who can hold you back is yourself! So stay positive in your thoughts and continue to break free! #freedomisyours :)” and I truly believe that! I have forgiven myself for any choices that may have led to my disappointment and hurt, and I continue to “break free” every day! 😉
What have I accomplished since then? Well, I have summoned the courage to ask an incredible visionary to be a mentor (he said yes), I have submitted an application and video to be nominated for an in-person audition for TED2013, and I met an amazing young woman who is giving me the opportunity to share my gifts and messages with the world on one of my favorite radio stations! Yes! Dreams DO come true! 😀
Everything I’ve worked through, have learned from and experienced has brought me to this point. I’m in a place where I can say to myself and to YOU that you are an incredible human being with many gifts, with so much love and so many people are supporting and rooting for you! Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Trust. Believe. Have the faith that it will all turn out okay, and in many cases, way better than you ever imagined!!! 😉
If you’re interested in listening to the radio show, I’ll be on Q103 (you can listen LIVE by clicking on “Click to listen” on the right side of the page), on Tuesday, April 17th from 4-5p HST.
I am super-duper excited and freaking out all at the same time. Like, is this REALLY happening? This is an incredible opportunity and I just feel so blessed. And, I would be honored if you took the time to listen and be a part of the show! We will be taking LIVE callers and I will be providing insight intended to uplift, inspire and guide the caller and everyone listening on their path! 🙂
Whether you tune in or not, thank you for reading and ’til next time, Happy Dreaming! 😉